Friday, January 29, 2010

Yeah. Right. When Pigs Fly.

Have you seen the long lines lately
at the local BBQ joints?
Noticed that ribs and bacon
and chops are suddenly missing
from the shelves at the grocery?
Got a husband that won't quit
asking for pork rinds
and hog jowl?

Well, there could be a very good reason
for the universal run on pig products...

Argentina's president, Christina Fernandez,
has announced in a recent speech
that eating pork can spice up
your love life.

"I've just been told something I didn't know; that eating pork improves your sex life ... I'd say it's a lot nicer to eat a bit of grilled pork than take Viagra," President Cristina Fernandez said to leaders of the pig farming industry.

She also went on to tell the audience
that she has taken steps to prove it-
and both she and her husband
have been well "satisfied"
with the results.

"Trying it doesn't cost anything, so let's give it a go," Fernandez said in the televised speech.

Women all over the world are now
searching frantically for pork recipes,
building huge pig farms,
and buying up the shares in
pork belly commodities.

Men are oinking.
Women are squealing.

Why take a tasteless, dry,
little blue pill
when you can have
a smothered rack of young hog instead?

Why take a chance of someone
seeing your medication on the bedside table
when you can cover your nightstand
with sausage patties and chitlins?

Forgotten to medicate
at the last minute?
Well, just pull into
Smokey Joe's for a takeout treat
whose positive effects
will last longer than the heartburn.

So, ladies-
if your man needs a little assistance-
turn down the lights tonight-
put on some soft music-
dress appropriately-
sit him down in front of a cozy fire-
and offer him a
glass of swine.

Good times.