Thursday, January 7, 2010

Pretend You Never Read This

It's officially "I'm Not Going To Take It Anymore" Day!

You would think that I could come up
with a whole crazy list of things
that I'm not going to take anymore.
But, no.
Today I'm going to share with you
the things that are saying that
to ME!

I got on the scale this morning.
It groaned.
The springs sprung and the
little needle went haywire.
"I'm not going to take it anymore!"
it shouted.
I covered it with a towel.
(Well, smothered it, really.)
It won't be sassing me again anytime soon.

I reached in the refrigerator for the pickles.
He ketchup dropped out.
The shrimp from New Years Eve 
pooled into a fishy blob.
Brown lettuce lay dying.
The refrigerator snapped-
"I'm not going to take it anymore!"
So I got the thirty gallon trash can
from the garage and emptied
the entire thing out.
(That'll show you, you grumbling ingrate).

I washed my hair this morning
and started to blow dry it.
One side went east.
The other west.
The top, north.
The ends frizzled,
the bangs drooped,
the color wilted.
I twisted and creamed
and sprayed and spackled
and oiled and gelled
till I looked like a 
"I'm not going to take it anymore!"
my hair said.
So, I put on a hat
and hushed that horrid monster.

I started a load of laundry.
Used the cheap soap. 
Stuff that smells like 
the boys bathroom at the city park.
Figured I could wash ten pair of jeans
as easy as two.
"I'm not going to take it anymore!"
said the washer - all agitated.
So, I shut it's lid 
and twisted it's knob
over to Giganto Load
and left the room.
(I still hear him thumping against the wall
in his spin cycle.)

Okay. I know.
This is a poor excuse for a blog post.

Lame, even.
A little quirky
and a lot stupid.

So, you might as well say it, too-
"I'm not going to take it anymore!"

Well , you don't have to.
I'm done now.