Friday, January 22, 2010

Who's Been Sleeping In MY Bed?

I keep thinking I've heard it all.
But the news lately seems to be
getting weirder and weirder.
(Or is more weird grammatically correct?)

I just read about the Holiday Inn
in London offering bed warming services.

Sounds great, doesn't it?
Kind of like a towel warmer...
Just enough heat to take the chill off
and put you in your comfort zone.
No one likes sliding into bed
under cold sheets.

these beds won't be
warmed by electric blankets,
hot water bottles,
or special thermal devices.
They will be warmed by
"a willing staff member."

The Holiday Inn spokesman
in Manchester, England assures guests
that these human bed-warmers
will be fully dressed
and their hair covered.
They will only occupy the bed
until it reaches the ideal temperature
of 20-24 Celsius.

This theory is based on
sleep-experts who claim
that a cold bed can inhibit sleep.

For some reason, I keep picturing
little Teletubbies in their
one piece jump suits-
climbing under the covers
and snoozing for awhile.


No thanks, Holiday Inn.
I'll bring an electric blanket,
my footy pajamas,
or some hot whiskey
when traveling abroad.

But, darn it!
To think I've been a
"human bed warmer"
all these years-
and never gotten paid for it.