Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Wanna Play?

Men are funny.
Not "Ha! Ha! " funny-
but strange funny.

Like... that is a funny looking snake.
Or that was a funny tasting shrimp.
Or Lizzy Borden was a funny girl.

Sometimes it takes all the brain power
that I have
to fit into the same realm as my husband.
Priorities tend to differ.
Languages conflict.
Definitions are blurred.

Take for example a recent event
at our household...

By a bit of luck, we won a bit of money.
Not a lot.
Not enough to build a new deck
or retire our vehicles.
But just enough to buy ourselves
an item on our Christmas wish list
that Santa failed to bring us
in December.

He wanted a guitar amp.
I wanted a Wii.

We were happy.

He was overwhelmed that the UPS guy
would soon be delivering his new love.

I coddled my purchase from WalMart electronics
like it was a preemie newborn.

I got my gift first,
sitting it on the kitchen table last Saturday
with a bit of excitement
blurred with a bit of guilt.
It was a lot of money.

But I was hoping to exercise away
my thunder thighs by Labor Day.
To move-
burn calories.
And have fun.

The next day,
it was still there.
Politely waiting for a man
to interpret the list of directions
and installation guides
and nest of confusing wires.

Another day passed.

My husband went by the kitchen table
a hundred times a day.
Could he not see that the Wii
was still waiting?
Did he not know that
it could not possibly
install itself?

Day three.

I decided I would give it
a good Girl Scout try.

Carefully, I opened the package,
pulled out the contents
in an organized manner,
and began reading
the simple plan.

I was so proud!
But for some reason
the TV wouldn't work correctly.
The input wouldn't put out.
I couldn't view the video
or hear the audio.
No little avatars greeted me
with little nods
of their round heads.

A big blue screen.
No Wii.
No Wheeeeeeeeee...

Finally on day four
he asked if I was enjoying my Wii.

Now- I realize he works long hours
and doesn't have a lot of free time
or the patience for frivolous requests.
he is not being cruel-
just selective.
So I had been quiet and accommodating.

"I'll take a look at it later," he promised.

Day Five.

The UPS man arrives at 3 p.m.
My husband comes
in from work at 7 p.m.

He's unboxed,
hooked up
and hugged
his new amp
by 7:05.

I just smile.

...Listen to that lovely guitar.
So clear and smooth-
emanating from the new amp.

My Wii sits in the other room.

I told you men were funny.

But my husband just doesn't realize
how funny I am.

And I don't mean, "Ha! Ha!" funny.

I mean Lizzy Borden funny.