Monday, July 20, 2009

Sunsets, Romance, and Another Olive, Please

Okay. So you know how I'm into these odd holidays
and celebrations-
Well,July is National Share A Sunset With Your Lover Month.

So, I thought- why not?
Why not take advantage
of a little-known holiday
to reap some romantic action
and tune into the beauty
and quiet of nature
at the same time?

I set the stage.
(I like to do that, you know).

Saturday evening I prepared
a great meal for my husband,
washed his back when he showered
(don't I always?),
and brought him his slippers
and an iced mug of beer.

"Let's go out back and
watch the sunset, shall we?"
I said, snapping the elastic
on my giant Bozo sleep pants,
and winking at him suggestively.

"Got something in your eye?
he asked, not moving from
the front of the TV,
"And, hey- my mug is dry.
Bring me another?"

I rushed to the kitchen
to fetch another beer
before the sunset completely
disappeared over the horizon.

While I was there,
I decided to mix up a margarita
for myself with six olives
and a nice thick rim
of honey and salt.
(Believe me- besides coffee
and chocolate- this is my
only vice!)

"Come on!" I pleaded,
passing off the beer
and tying my tennis shoes.

"If you've seen one sunset,
you've seen them all," my
husband said dryly,
still flipping channels
and chugging his Miller Lite.

"But...Honey- it's Share The Sunset
With Your Lover Month...." I informed him-
rubbing his shoulders and
emptying my drink till
the ice cubes rattled.

He finally agreed-
and after another trip to
the kitchen to see Jose Cuervo,
we stepped outside
to gaze at the sky.

He cranked up the garage stereo
to a loud rock station-
(so much for peace and quiet)
and our flea-bitten mutt
shared our laps.

"Is that a deer?" he peered
under his eye-shielding hand.
"Go get me my binoculars!"

I stumbled back into the house,
grabbed the binoculars-
and another drink
and two more olives.

"Yep- that's a big buck there", he
exclaimed, shrugging off my
nibble to his ear
to move closer to the fence row.
Then he starts talking about
hunting and camo and targets
and bow season
and I rattle my ice cubes again.

"Oh- I hear my cell phone ringing."
he said.

And, of course, I go fetch the phone-
taking time with each step
as I watch my feet
turn into blurry-looking blobs
and my legs grow rubbery.

I spruced up my little drinky-poo
and fell back down the deck steps
and into the lawn swing
while my husband informed
the caller that it was
Sunset Lookin' Day or something.

The sky began to do a
little twirly thing
and my eyes kept closing-
and before I knew it-
it was dark outside and
my husband was leading me
into the house.

Once under the covers,
he turned my direction
and smiled,
giving me a little wink.

'Got sumphin' in yer eye?'
I slurred.

So much for Share A Sunset
With Your Lover Month.
But hey- we can celebrate
Sweetest Day in October.

Oh, crap! Forget that one!
That's the beginning of
hunting season!