I had a mullet once.
I don't share that information
with just anyone, you know.
Makes me look like
a moronic hillbilly.
But it wasn't a matter of
bad taste or following a trend.
It was solely the fault
of a bad hairdresser.
I'm here to tell you today
that just because they have
a certificate or diploma
hanging above their shampoo bowl-
doesn't mean they are qualified
to brandish a pair of scissors!
Sometimes it's just a gut feeling
that can save you from the
chopping block, so to speak.
Any beautician with blue hair,
tons of pomade,
or, in fact, a mullet-
simply cannot be trusted.
It seems to me there are a lot
of newly graduated students
who think they are creating
trends in bouffant history-
but, the bottom line is-
they are just screwing around
with sharp tools.
I had a girl cut my hair once
that had her little pinkie nail pierced.
She brandished this tiny chain
with a star hanging from it
that was linked through her fingernail.
Every time she ran her fingers
through my hair,
I cringed.
And when I got home later,
I kept waiting for that little star
to fall out of my head.
And, let's get real folks-
any hair dresser that approaches you
wearing stilettos and a mini skirt
doesn't really care
what your stupid hair looks like anyway.
The problem with giving
your beautician a picture of
what you want-
is that they all seem to have
vision problems.
It never ends up looking
like the photo.
I went in to the beauty shop one day
with a picture of Jennifer Anniston-
and came out looking like
Billy Ray Cyrus.
Took two years
and 730 paper sacks
before it was ever right again.
