I was cleaning out my kitchen drawers
the other day-
(I know, what are the chances of
that happening twice in one century?)
but, anyways- I came across
an oyster knife.
Well, I don't know if you all
are familiar with
the great state of Illinois,
but we don't do much fresh seafood here.
Long John Silver's or
McDonald's fish sandwich
is about as close as we come
to eating anything from ocean water.
This got me to thinking about
a list of household gadgets
that I can live without.
Here goes:
OYSTER KNIFE:
Seldom used on crustacean shells.
Although it sometimes comes
in handy to pry open stubborn lids,
sticky drawers,
and dried gum under the patio set.
MELON BALLER:
Why? Who cares if their melon is
perfectly round?
In my family, we eat it right from
the rind with a super big spoon.
CAPPUCCINO MAKER:
Just another fancy word for coffee.
Give me my coffee from a regular
coffee pot- hot, black,
and semi-strong. Leave those
cappuccino makers to the
CEO's of Starbucks.
STEAM IRON:
I seldom use this item.
I used it about six months ago
to steam open a letter that
I had no business reading.
I do not iron.
(Unlike my sister Tina-
whose right hand is an iron!)
TOASTER OVEN:
Get real!
Who in their right mind
is going to cook only five Bagel Bites
or six pizza rolls at a time?
These contraptions are
made for Barbie dolls.
BREAD KNIFE:
When was the last time
I baked bread?
You guessed it.
Never.
A MEAT BASTER:
Now, I must admit I do have
two of these and they are new.
Linda got us HIS and HERS
for Christmas.
I use mine to suck snot from
the dog's nose
and he uses his to empty
water from the toilet tank
when repairs are needed.
Don't worry-
my Thanksgiving bird
is always self-basting!
MEASURING SPOONS:
Two words.
Eyeball it.
Oh, there's probably a lot
more that I could add to the list,
but I don't have time right now...
I've gotta find my stainless steel
colander.
The grand kids are here
and we're catching tadpoles.
