Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Calgon- Take Me Away!

If you have never undergone
a home remodeling project
or room renovation,
then you haven't really haven't
walked on the wild side.

You haven't pushed the envelope,
faced the devil,
or risked you life.

Right now we are in the process
of remodeling our bathroom.
It needed a vanity
and a new light
and you would think that would be
a two hour project
and we'd be done.


I guess there are drawbacks
being married to a perfectionist.
At least as far as the mechanical
aspects of life are concerned.
He refuses to start any project
without a level,
a tape measure,
a flashlight,
and a pencil.

Then that grows eventually
to a saw, some pliers,
a hammer, and some nails.

Next, we add a screw gun,
a crescent wrench,
duct tape,
wire cutters,
wood chisel,
nail setter,
and box knife.

All those are sitting in
my bathroom floor.

Along with two inches of
dry wall dust.

Oh, didn't I tell you
that we moved the electrical outlets,
patched some unsightly bumps
and nail holes in the wall,
redid the entire ceiling,
moved the hot and cold water lines,
installed an exhaust fan,
and removed all the doors
for painting?

What gets me is all these
fancy home decorating magazines
that show you wonderful
Before and After photos.
They never speak about the

They never tell you about
the blisters,
broken nails,
and bang ups.
They fail to mention
the "dinners after midnight",
the arguments,
the other rooms that
grow into junk mountains,
the dust in your throat,
the do-overs,
the trash piles,
the inconveniences,
the baby whining-
(Wait a minute!
I don't have a baby!...)

Oh... sorry,
that was just my husband.

Anyway-like I said-
it's not the Before or After
that matters.
It's the During.

Makes me wanna take
that House Beautiful magazine
and shove it
where the flashlight don't shine!


And this breaking news report might interest you!!
An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp AP – An Oscar Meyer Wienermobile crashed into the home and outdoor deck of Nick Krupp in Racine, Wis. on Friday …

MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. – One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee.

Police said the driver was trying to turn the Wienermobile around in the driveway and thought she was moving in reverse. But she instead went forward and hit the home. It sat in the driveway as if it were stuck in the garage Friday afternoon.

No one was home and no one was injured. No citations were immediately issued.

Both the home and vehicle suffered moderate damage, which Oscar Mayer spokeswoman Sydney Lindner says insurance will cover.

Police hadn't been able to speak to the homeowner as of early Friday evening.