Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Never In A Million Years

Thought you might all like to know
that July 6-12 is Nude Recreation Weekend.
It's purely your choice
whether you decide to
participate or not.

It didn't take me long to
decide that the world
just doesn't need a bunch
of naked people
playing sports.

I mean, how fun could it be?

"What are all those knots all over you, Mom?"

"Oh, Dad and I were playing Nude Volleyball
and he kept spiking the ball at all my
so-called "targets". I got him back,though.
He's in his recliner with a 20 pound bag of ice
in his lap."

"Your chin looks bruised, too. What's up with that?"

"Well, I tried to spike a few myself- and.. well,
no sports bra. Funny how a saggy mammary can
do such damage."

"You look burnt. Did you wear sunscreen?" And, believe me- whatever places on
my body were pastey white before are
now a tomato soup color with blisters the size
of Chewbacca's head."

"Couldn't you have played something else?"

"Sure, but football in the nude
is fairly dangerous, fishing while naked
scares the fish, playing baseball without
clothes on can be painful when sliding into home,
and one blow to the boobs with a basketball
can be debilitating for life."

"I heard you stopped traffic."

"Yea, but those people weren't nice.
I can't repeat the things they yelled
from their car windows. Some were
threats. Oh- remind me to change
our phone number later."

"What's wrong now? Got poison ivy
or something?"

"No, just sand in all my cracks."

to those of you who decide
to celebrate-
be careful with the hot charcoal,
watch for the mosquitoes,
and don't forget to shave your legs!

And as I always say-
To each his own.