Monday, July 27, 2009
The Stupidest Blog I've Written So Far
I've tried my best to expose you all
to the many untraditional holidays
that you may not be aware of.
But today's holiday beats all.
Probably on the top of the "strangest" list.
Today is Take Your Houseplant For a Walk Day.
I always attempt to
conform to society,
so I figured, "What the heck?"-
I'll participate in this special day
and actually take
my houseplant for a walk.
The first problem was picking
out which plant got to go with me.
The dying fern,
the wilted ficus,
or the droopy philodendron.
Fern looked the least likely to
live much longer,
so I chose to take her
for her last round through
the neighborhood as a final farewell.
Believe me- the leash was a booger
to attach because every time I tried,
another brown leaf would snap
or float sadly to the carpet.
I finally clipped onto the plastic pot,
and away we went.
I knew immediately that
the whole thing was a big mistake.
Every yard I passed was overflowing
with colorful flowers
and immaculate greenery.
Ferns the size of
swayed from porches and decks-
and soon neighbors began to stare
as I continued to drag my
anorexic plant down the walk.
I glanced over my shoulder
just in time to see another
handful of brown leaves drop off
and trail behind us.
People came out onto
their front steps and pointed.
Some even heckled.
But, even worse,
one lady threatened to
report me to Plant Abuse Hotline.
I slipped into the nearest
coffee shop where Fern and I
were safe from critical eyes
and decided to rest for awhile.
I ordered a Cafe' Latte for myself
and an Espresso Miracle Gro for the plant.
But, as I feared, it was really too late.
The guy behind the counter kept
staring at us as I tried to
hide Fern beneath my jacket.
It didn't help that the shop
was full of bouncing banana plants-
full and green and obviously well cared for.
I felt like a failure.
By the time I got back home,
Fern was simply an
half-empty pot of old soil-
her soul being lost somewhere
between the soccer field
and Tommy's Tires.
But one thing the
Take Your Houseplant For A Walk Day
did for me
was to make me realize that
we are not all cut out to be "plant moms".
We don't all have green thumbs,
magic soothing voices,
rooms full of sunshine,
and entire days to prune
I must admit that I can't even get
my Chia pet to grow.
But- better days are yet to come.
Friday's odd holiday is
National Cheesecake Day!