Monday, April 13, 2009

The Greatest Show On Earth

One of my great passions in life
is writing.

But one of my greater passions
is having money.

Blogging everyday
doesn't put money in the bank-
(and most times doesn't get
my house cleaned, either).

I've looked in the classifieds
and even logged onto
Monster Jobs
searching for something
appropriate for my age.
But, I don't have a
truck drivers license,
a nursing degree,
my hands are too weak to stuff
envelopes all day-
and my tongue is getting
too old to lick them all closed.

Aside from digging an early grave
and simply becoming a WalMart greeter,
I run into a brick wall when it comes
to finding a job.

But perhaps there is hope.

This morning I found out that
one industry is actually
looking for new talent.

Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey
Circus is actively seeking auditions
for clowns.

After some thought, I realized
that it could be the perfect choice.
It encompasses every thing
that people look for in a job.

You get to travel.
So what if you're closed up in a hot
canvas tent all day
and constantly step in elephant dookie?
Not everyone gets a chance
to be roommates
with a bearded lady or
a fire eater.
And you never grow tired
of the scenery-
the caravan never stays in
one town too long.
See the beach-
the mountains-
the Mayberry's
and Orange Counties, too!

You can hide your wrinkles.
Nothing can make aging lines
disappear faster than layers
of cake makeup
or solve the thinning hair
problem than with the aid of
assorted wigs.
And, hey- if you're in
a crappy mood-
just paint on a great big frown,
a giant tear drop,
and feel sorry for yourself
the whole live-long day!

Nose too big?
Well, a red ball will cover
any size "schnoz"
and any evidence
of you sipping from
the whiskey flask.

Your faults are assets.
Have problems with balance,
or an unattractive body type?
No one will notice if you trip or
stutter in the circus!
And those giant parachute
clown suits can hide a multitude
of fat rolls
and saggy boobs.

Sources say that some
circus trainers make 200,000
dollars a year.
Most clowns make around
15 thousand, but get an additional
10-15 for living expenses.

I mean, what could a good
air mattress,
and cell phone cost anyway?
You wouldn't have to buy clothes,
spend money on gasoline,
or vacations.


So, if you look here one day
and I've suddenly stopped Blogging,
chances are-
I've gone to join the circus!