Thursday, April 16, 2009

Can't You Read The Signs?

I think that most people,
especially women,
tend to deny the fact
that they are aging.

It seems a though
the signs creep up on us,
like a grim reaper's shadow-
and we attempt to
ignore it's presence.

Sure, make-up will
hide the wrinkles
and age spots.
Exercise will help the
joints and circulation.
Diet will aid in agility
and heart health.

there are some things
that come with aging
that are more difficult
to handle.

I guess I'm here now
to tell you all
that I had a wake up call
the other day,
and I feel like it's my
female-born duty
to tell this story,
although it practically
labels me as senile.

I was making my
normal WalMart trek-
trudging through the aisles
with the loudest cart
known to man-
with a squeaky wheel
that merged right
when I wanted to go left-
and the essense of
old onions
permeating from it's
chrome basket.

(See, here's an example of aging.
If my sight and smell
were better,
I would have instantly known
NOT to pick that cart-
my senses would have been tuned-
instead of finally realizing
my shopping cart needed to
be taken out and shot
when I was already half-way
across the store.)

I was browsing like usual,
and of course, came upon
the big red CLEARANCE sign,
where I slowed to a crawl.

I was positive that
there was something there
that I needed.
Some great bargain
that I could go back home
and brag about.

I was proud of myself
that I remembered my
daughter saying that
she needed shampoo
and conditioner.
(See- I haven't lost
my memory completely!)

I spied an attractive
coral-colored group of
bottles with even
more-attractive clearance
Regularly $6.99-
these hair products
were now only $3.00!

Wow! Not only would I
save money, but I
would really look good
in my daughter's eyes-
(A dear, sweet mom
that remembers things
and lets loose of
actual cash
in order to obtain
her daughter's favor).

Returning home-
(after telling the WalMart cashier
to take that horrid cart
to the Supermarket Scrap Yard),
I unpacked my things
and rounded up the
shampoo and conditioner.
I placed them in plain
sight in my daughter's bathroom,
posing them just perfectly
on the vanity
so that she would see them
and say, "Aww, Mom-
didn't have to do that! How sweet."

And then she would thank me
and kiss me on the head
and I would smile-
feeling suddenly
younger and brighter
and in tune with the world.

She arrived home from work
and immediately went into the
I waited in the kitchen
in anticipation,
wiping down the same place
on the counter several times,
until I heard her say.

My face spread with a secret smile-
(You could have fed me
a banana sideways!)-
and I went to see the appreciation
on her face.

"Is this for me?" she asked,
not sounding quite as enthusiastic
as I had hoped.

"Yes", I replied firmly,
feeling empowered.

"Well, thanks," she said,
"but do you realize that
this is Afro-Sheen?"

AGE creeps up on us all...

Of course, at that particular
moment, it tackled me
to the ground
and beat the hell out of me.