Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Stress Factors

Many women begin to freak out
this time of year.

They worry about
Thanksgiving gatherings,
the the beginning of
serious Christmas shopping.

Yet, a seasoned female,
(such as I)-
learns to utilize paper plates
and card tables on Thanksgiving,
is comfortable leaving the cooking
to Cracker Barrel,
and has no guilt letting the
little Keebler elves
do all the cookie baking.

My major concern
this time of year
consists of two things:

Finding winter shoes and buying a new coat.

That, my friends,
really freaks me out.

First of all-
what kind of shoes
does one wear in the winter?

Then my jeans are all too short,
my weak ankles wobble,
and I walk like a man in heels.

And, if so,
what color?
Does blue or yellow
match everything?
Or green- or pink-
or purple-or red?

Plain white sneakers look
too Easter-ish-
and black sneakers look too
"I work at Applebee's-(ish).

Lace up ankle shoes?
How high on the ankle?
Below the shin
or to the calf?
Eight eyelet laces,
or simply four?
A small heel-
or a chunky wedge?

I look like a flat footed
overweight Eskimo in those.

The snow gets in.

Too cold.

So, you see my dilemma.

Buying a coat is not any easier.
Do fifty-something women
wear plaid?
Pea coats?
Long, short, medium,
stadium, trench, puffy,
furry, wool, cotton,
or hooded?
Buttons, snaps, belts,
pockets, or zippers?
Leather, pleather,
or leopard?
Down, nylon, cashmere?
With or without a scarf?
Mittens or gloves?
Does it have to match your purse?

No one has ever given me answers
to these nagging questions in life.

I can throw a bird in the oven
and wait for the pop-up timer.
But choosing a coat?
No one has ever perfected that.

If it was up to me,
I'd forget the entire process.

I'd wear my furry socks
and my old pink robe
and stay warm inside
until Easter.

And that's another thing-
what do you wear
while you're shopping
for something to wear?

Life is full of mysteries.