Tuesday, November 24, 2009

When Pondering Turns To Panic

As if the season of festive decorating
and gift giving wasn't enough to send me
over the edge, I now ponder the fact
that I must prepare a Thanksgiving meal
that is edible.

To most, it might seem simple enough,
but nothing can top the delectable
that was served last year by my sister-in-laws.

Two weeks before the feast, I received
a beautiful envelope in my mailbox.

Adorned with a cornucopia of
glittered fruits and golden script,
I eagerly opened it to find an elegant invitation.
A menu was attached,
beautifully handwritten in calligraphy
on heavy parchment.
It read:

"You and your family are invited to join us
for our Thanksgiving celebration. Please come
and gather around our table in blessing of
this holiday."

Then the real kicker came!
The Menu:

Fresh Succulent Roast Turkey with Apple Glaze
Oyster Stuffing with Sage and Mushrooms
Peppered Turkey Gravy
Holiday Whipped Potatoes with Creamy Butter Sauce
Herb Pork Tenderloin with Parmesan-Pepper Toast
Pumpkin Risotto with Shrimp
Candied Sweet Yams with Maple Pecan Chutney
Whole Steamed Green Beans with Country Ham
Savory Roast Vegetables on a bed of Wild Rice
Sweet Corn with Toasted Croutons
Cheddar Broccoli Spears
Yeast Rolls and Homemade Sweet Butter Bread
will be served

Then came :
The Desserts:
Gourmet Gala Cheesecake with Orange Rum Sauce
Triple Layer Pumpkin Pecan Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting
Heavenly Sinful Lemon Chiffon Pie
Black Forest Souffle'
Mincemeat Pie with Georgia Walnuts
All served with Freshly Whipped Cream

There was more:

"We ask that you stay as our overnight guests and join us for Breakfast/Brunch.
We will be serving:

Puff Pancakes with Summer Berries
Sunrise Burritos and Artichoke Frittata
Ham and Swiss Cheese Biscuits with Red Eye Gravy
Country Ham Slices with Brown Sugar Glaze
Peppered Bacon and Maple Sausage Links

Needless to say, I am in a panic!
I have to invite them to MY house this year!

Here's a copy of the invitation I sent them:
(Scribbled on construction paper with a black Sharpie)

"  If you want, you can come over here on Thanksgiving
and eat with us. We will be setting up card tables on the
front porch so bring your heavy coats."

The Menu:

Oven Roasted Generic Brand Turkey
with red Pop-up Timer still intact
(with Burnt Breasts and Raw Thighs)
A Couple Cans of Green Beans
A can or Two of Corn
Stovetop Stuffing
Instant Mashed Potatoes with Cheap Imitation Butter
Frozen Chopped Broccoli with Melted Velveeta
Gravy from a Jar

Desserts will include:

Two boxed Pumpkin Pies
A Year-Old Fruitcake
Homemade Fudge that Never Got Firm
All served with a huge tub of Cool Whip

"And if you want to camp out in the garage, you can stay for breakfast.
We will be having:"

Cheerios and Ding Dongs

Happy Thanksgiving To All!!


Special thanks to my dear sister Jewel
who saved this "oldie" that I wrote years ago-
and suggested I use it as a blog post.
It kept me from wracking my brain
for new material this morning!

Thanks also to my three sister-in-laws
from Nashville, Tenn. who inspired
this writing. I may have taken liberties
and exaggerated a bit- But, Man- they
sure can cook!!!

And thanks ahead to all those family
members who will be gathered at
my table on Thursday-
for realizing that I am neither
Martha Stewart or Julia Child
and if you don't like paper plates
and Styrofoam cups,
you can find the front door
(or the tip of my boot-
whichever comes first).

Thank you to my readers
and critics and invisible eyes
for being part of my rantings
and my odd humor.
I'll be back on Monday.
I am taking a few days off to
pig-out renew my creative energy.

Have a blessed holiday!!