Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tree Hugger Heaven

I just read somewhere that the great
Ponderosa Pine-
(You know- the tree on Bonanza)-
has a bark that smells like
baking cookies.
Some even say it resembles vanilla,
coconut, and even butterscotch!

Can you imagine?

I can.....

"What 'cha planting?"
my husband asks, as he comes upon me
in the back yard while I am digging
holes four foot deep by four foot wide.

I stand up straight, wipe my brow,
and know without a doubt that I am in trouble.

First of all-
I am planting Ponderosa Pines
which have only a 35% survival rate
and mature in 75-250 years.

Plus the fact that I've already dug
two dozen holes
which took out a good portion of
my husband's future work shop
and most of his archery target range.

"I'm doing my part to preserve nature,"
I say quickly,
knowing quite well that
Al Gore's face is tacked to the bulls eye
on his deer target.

But I feel that you really don't
become a tree-hugger until you've
wrapped your arms around a giant
vanilla-scented pine tree.

"Besides that," I add,
"they smell like cookies."

I imagine myself lying in the shade
of one of these big beauties-
Sipping a pina colada and
breathing in the coconut smell of
some exotic beach.

Or having an outdoor party
where the whole yard
smells like a butterscotch factory
and no body wants to leave
until their skin wreaks of
gooey sweetness.

"You can stop now."
My husband's voice
suddenly interrupts my daydream.

"You know good and well,"
he continues,
"that you would have the bark
eaten off every single one
of those damn trees!"

He's got a point there.