There is this sick place inside us all
that is curious about celebrities
and the kind of lifestyle
that they live.
Unless you are a hermit
living in a cave,
you know most of the popular
movie stars by name.
Perhaps it is the stark differences
between them and ordinary people
that makes it so interesting.
And, believe me,
we are different.
I'm a different kind of human altogether.
For example, here's the difference
in the way we pamper ourselves:
THEM /ME
Satin Sheets / Clean sheets
Pedicure /Wash cloth between toes
Manicure /Udder cream
Expensive meal /Denny's Grand Slam
Trip to Italy / Trip to WalMart
Wear fine diamonds /Wear best KMart ring
Facial/ Oil of Olay
Electrolysis/ Tweezers
Day at Spa/ Day at Target
Boob job/ New bra
Zoom whitening/ Buy Crest Strips
Sip expensive wine /Boone's Farm, baby!
Tummy tuck / Girdle
Go to Opera/ Watch CMT
Build a new home/ Build a new doghouse
Yachting /Tubing
Hummer /4-Wheeler
Sushi /Tuna cakes
Water Polo / Marco Polo
Breakfast in bed /Yesterday's pizza on night stand
Ferrari /Forget it
Mink coat /Pleather jacket
Rodeo Drive /Goodwill
French lessons /Polka lessons
Steel Vault / Piggy Bank
But-
I love my simple life
and wouldn't give it up-
even for a star on Hollywood Blvd.
That's just how I roll.
