Friday, August 21, 2009

I Say Toe-may-toe. They Say Ta-maa-toe.

There is this sick place inside us all
that is curious about celebrities
and the kind of lifestyle
that they live.

Unless you are a hermit
living in a cave,
you know most of the popular
movie stars by name.

Perhaps it is the stark differences
between them and ordinary people
that makes it so interesting.

And, believe me,
we are different.

I'm a different kind of human altogether.

For example, here's the difference
in the way we pamper ourselves:

Satin Sheets / Clean sheets

Pedicure /Wash cloth between toes

Manicure /Udder cream

Expensive meal /Denny's Grand Slam

Trip to Italy / Trip to WalMart

Wear fine diamonds /Wear best KMart ring

Facial/ Oil of Olay

Electrolysis/ Tweezers

Day at Spa/ Day at Target

Boob job/ New bra

Zoom whitening/ Buy Crest Strips

Sip expensive wine /Boone's Farm, baby!

Tummy tuck / Girdle

Go to Opera/ Watch CMT

Build a new home/ Build a new doghouse

Yachting /Tubing

Hummer /4-Wheeler

Sushi /Tuna cakes

Water Polo / Marco Polo

Breakfast in bed /Yesterday's pizza on night stand

Ferrari /Forget it

Mink coat /Pleather jacket

Rodeo Drive /Goodwill

French lessons /Polka lessons

Steel Vault / Piggy Bank

I love my simple life
and wouldn't give it up-
even for a star on Hollywood Blvd.

That's just how I roll.