Sometimes I like to think
that there is a pattern to my mess.
That perhaps, in some strange way
there is actually a method to my madness-
an organization to my
seemingly unorganized life.
I can usually find what I'm looking for-
(Given a week or so of frantic cursing
and demolition of every closet, drawer
and nook and cranny.)
After weeks of tiptoeing through my
laundry room to avoid obstacles,
yesterday I decided to attack the problem
head on and begin the cleaning process.
It wasn't dirty- just messy.
A product of being hurried and rushed
and of having no better place to
store an item when company was coming.
I admit I am lucky to have a laundry room.
I can shut the door on it all and pretend
I'm like Kelly Rippa on those commercials-
(flitting around with a huge wicker basket
full of fresh towels three inches thick-
polishing my washing machine with
a whoosh of my hip bone-
and then baking cookies for the kids-
never once having spilled the sugar
or dribbled egg snot across the counter).
My laundry room is also my pantry.
The place for canned goods and
cereal boxes and all matters of
sneaky snacks.
And the resting place for pots and pans
and trays and ladles.
It's the home of my gigantic crock pot
and enormous counter top grill.
And a huge assortment of little
plastic bowls that have somehow
lost their lids.
Who knew I had so many cans of soup?
Once I organized them,
I was surprised.
And what's with the seven different
kinds of microwave popcorn?
Four umbrellas.
Disco party napkins.
Halloween costumes.
Rugs whose rubber backing
flakes off in pieces as large as Texas.
A can of peanuts from
Thanksgiving 2008-
or was it the year before?
Anyway-
it was time to take charge.
I mean, who else in the whole
entire world
has bills in a bowl?
Yep- that's where I stashed them
after I got the mail for three months or so.
Right there in that blue plastic bowl
(with the missing lid, or course).
I'd fish around to pay the ones that were due
and let the rest take up space
in my laundry room.
I had to climb up on my
little step ladder to reach the higher shelves
and I guess I wasn't paying attention at one point.
I stepped off backwards
and fell into the doorway-
twisting my foot a little,
but luckily landing on my big bootie-
where I lay stunned for a moment-
trying to figure out why I did
a triple sow cow in mid air.
Good thing I wasn't injured-
or worse.
I could have been killed.
And after I was gone,
who would ever think to look
in the blue bowl for the electric bill?
