Well, it is finally March-
and can Spring be far behind?
It's a shame that I can't just
concentrate on the grass growing
and the daffodils blooming-
but that the word "cleaning"
has to buddy up with "spring"
and make the whole ordeal
a little less wonderful.
Ten Things I Need To Do Now
Because It's Spring:
1. Throw out the fruit cake from Christmas,
the potato chips from New Years,
and the last chocolate covered cherry
from Valentine's Day.
Replace those with fresh fruit,
Baked Lays,
and stupid chocolate pudding cups
that in no way imitates or replaces
a real chunk of chocolate.
2. Open the bedroom windows
and air the place out.
It's a dark den of tangled sheets
and heavy curtains-
with a nightstand of tissues,
cough drops
and Rolaids.
It smells like a fart.
I'm hoping to remedy that
with fresh air,
Febreeze,
sunshine
and a giant feather duster.
3. Replace the three burnt bulbs outside,
pick up the tree branches from the
last snowstorm,
and remove my fake poinsettias
from the front porch.
Wade through mud
to burn trash,
check on my tulips
and get the mail from
the last few days.
4. Clean my closets.
Finally get rid of the dancing Santa,
the plastic geraniums,
the CPO jacket,
and the purple generic Crocs.
Throw away all my Old Navy hangers,
my WalMart sacks
and those jeans that I'll
probably never squeeze my
thighs into again.
5. Organize my drawers.
Eradicate any underwear and socks
with holes, safety pins,
rotten elastic
or glow-in-the-dark hearts.
Give all slips,
thongs,
long johns
and stained tee shirts
to Goodwill.
6. Clean the pantry.
Toss the black-eyed peas
from 2008,
the sugar that is hard as concrete,
the crackers that never got sealed
and the popcorn that
Orville Redenbocker made
as a child.
Rearrange the giant pots and pans,
electric skillets, blenders,
grills, choppers, slicers,
pitchers, trays
and assortment of other
"I need " items
that I never really need.
7. Give the entertainment center
a good overhaul.
Dust, shine
and wipe all surfaces.
Sort through CD's, DVD's
and yes- VCR tapes.
Tie up all loose cords,
dangling plugs,
unused remotes
and expired TV Guides.
8. Clean the garage.
Pick up the decor from the
Halloween party.
Put the Christmas tree
in the attic.
Move the patio furniture
to the back yard
and sweep up the mound
of dead ladybugs.
9. Plan my garden.
Put it all in a nice notebook
like I did last year.
(Too bad I never looked at it
after the seeds arrived in the mail.)
Pull Samuel (my scarecrow) out
and give him a nice outfit
to wear for the new season.
10. Rest.
Pull up my hair, my feet,
my chin
and just take it slow.
Reflect,
rejoice,
renew
and rejuvenate
with good music,
bird songs,
lilacs,
a warm breeze.
A juicy pear,
a long prayer,
a pedicure
and a porch pondering.
Spring is coming soon.
What's on your list?
