Thursday, March 25, 2010

Education and Elimination

A few years ago,
when my son was younger,
he would often
have a few friends over
for a camp out
or a day of fishing.

On one such occasion,
his favorite little friend asked,
"Why do you have
books in the bathroom?"

I was shocked.
Didn't every one in the
whole wide world
have a virtual library
in their bathrooms?
Weren't magazines as common
next to the stool
as toilet paper?

I just smiled
and said,
"Because we like to read."

Looking back on my answer now,
I guess it was true.
I suppose what I failed to tell him is
that it makes the bathroom experience
more pleasurable-
and quite often, less time consuming.

There is something almost perfect
about a little quiet room
with the door shut-
away from outside interference-
like a safe, comfortable cave
where we perform our primal functions.

Part of my spring cleaning ritual this week
was to tidy and refresh the reading material
in our bathrooms.

I was startled at the variety
that lay tumbled
in the "reading basket"-
but mostly I noticed
how vastly different
my literature choices
were from my husbands.

Here are some excerpts
from a few pages to give you an idea
of what I'm talking about.
For example:

HIS magazine:
"The minimum submergence from the tank floor is dictated by the vertical cage dimension plus the needed 150mm (6 in) submergence above the top of the cage..."

MY magazine:
"Energize your fall outfits with these snazzy statement makers. Thanks to darling collars, colors, and textures, they instantly upgrade basic bottoms and focus attention above the waist..."

HIS book:
"The Strategic Defense Initiative, Ronald Reagan's dream that would, in theory, render intercontinental ballistic missiles obsolete, has been reintroduced as a planned defense strategy by President George W. Bush..."

MY book:
"Arnold discovered that he was the biological father of 807 children, and that one of these was his fiancee, Carol. The dismayed couple's engagement was immediately broken off."

HIS catalog:
"Highly frangible, jacketed, open tip that maintains integrity at high velocities in fast twist barrels. Reduced ricochet. limited penetration. great for steel targets..."

MY catalog:
"These delightful ladybugs or frogs will add a welcoming glow that is sure to be noticed in any pathway or garden.Line a walkway or create a cute focal point."

HIS publication:
"Hedge funds are notorious for investing in a wide range of risky strategies, including commodities options. futures contracts and the little-understood derivatives market where complex swaps amount to little more than financial gambling..."

MY publication:
"This month take an afternoon to declare pajama day- stay in them as long as possible and just putter around the house. Also, take ten bucks to the dollar store and see how much cool stuff you can find..."

as you can see-
there is quite a variety
available for your entertainment
and comfort
when you come to visit.

But it's weird.
Suddenly, I feel so dumb.