It warms my heart to know
that we are still observing
Columbus Day after all these years.
At least we know who he was-
(Can't say the same about that
Pulaski fellow).
Except-
I can't help but think
history might have turned out
differently if Christopher would have
had a wife to help him sail
the seven seas.
(Video daydream begins...)
"Chris! Are we going or not!" yells
Mrs. Columbus," I haven't got all year, ya' know!"
"Yes, yes, I'm coming!" Chris assures her,
kicking the stern one more time
and checking the sails.
The Mrs. slaps her velvet purse in his face
and continues the tirade.
" The Santa Maria- the Nina-the Pinta...
would it have killed you to name
a ship after me?"
"Honestly, Perdido," Chris moans,"
Your name is the Spanish word for lost!
Can you imagine one of
my ships named Perdido?
Not good for business at all."
"Well, how long till we get there?
Perdido sighs,
"My corset in diggin' into my boobs
and I can't wait to shed these
thirty-eight eyelet boots and this
freakin life jacket!"
"According to my calculations,
I estimate five weeks or more,
depending on the celestial bodies
and the directional wave of
the ocean's tide, and considering
the output of all crew members
and the sturdiness of our ships."
Perdido rolls her eyes.
"Hope we got plenty of rum,
that's all I can say!"
"Before you go to your cabin,"
Chris requests, "hand me over my good compass."
"Compass? I didn't bring your compass!
You were supposed to pack the compass!
I had to load up enough salted meat
and sardines for ninety men, plus those
heavy casks! Where were you when those
hearty, dirty, evil-lurking men were staring
at me through their eye patches?"
Columbus wilts.
"Okay, then. The map."
"Nix-a on the Map-a."
Perdido says, squirming
out of her shoes.
"For heaven's sake, Chris!
Just stop and ask directions!
How hard can that be?"
Through stormy seas,
mutiny by the crew
and scurvy abound,
they finally reach land.
"It's about time!" Mrs Columbus
says indignantly," Now-I sure hope we're
all getting the day off!"
(Video daydreams fades away...)
Have a fun Columbus Day
and do something great!
