Tuesday, March 24, 2009

You Better Not Pout

Due to my short vacation/break/downtime,
I missed out on Lips Appreciation Day
which was celebrated on March 16.

I think that it's important enough
to touch upon in today's blog, however,
so I'm taking the liberty of mouthing off
about "lips".

I bet you don't even know your lips
by their anatomical names.
(That's what I'm here for-
to educate you about things you don't really
give a flying hoot about).

The border between the lips and
the surrounding skin is referred to
as the vermilion border,
or simply the vermilion.
The vertical groove on the upper lip
is known as the philtrum.

The skin of the lip,
with three to five cellular layers,
is very thin compared to face skin,
which has up to 16 layers.

The lip skin is not hairy
and does not have sweat glands.
That's why lips tend to dry out easily
under certain circumstances.

Other than assisting with speech
and food intake,
lips are considered an important
part of human attraction.
I suppose that's why
in 2006, 750,000 people
(men and women)-
shelled out hard-earned money
for some type of lip enhancement.

Of course, there are those women
who have naturally pouty lips-
and can pocket their money
for some augmentation elsewhere.

My sister and I watched a SciFi show
together the other day
and the prom queen that
was being chased by zombies
had lips like two giant leeches-
just pasted like doll arms
around her mouth.

(At this point, it was a wasted
surgery for her-
the zombies ate her lips
like piranha on steroids.)

Now-too fake lips are just gross.
And unattractive.

But we commented that
in our old age,
our lips do appear
to be thinning.

Our husbands-
who never hear anything we
say directly to them-
happened to be listening
to our critical self exam.

They unanimously agreed
to give us fat lips
if we wanted-
rolling up their sleeves
and balling up their fists
with an evil smile.

We passed on that
white-trash lip-plumping treatment
and settled for simply
keeping our bodies hydrated.
Experts say that is the healthiest way
to keep your lips soft and full.

I just don't know if I can
drink another gallon of water today...