I read somewhere that this month
is Spunky Old Broads Month.
And even though I didn't do the
research behind the whole event,
I decided that I would
celebrate it anyway.
I suppose there is a mighty fine line
between being A Spunky Old Broad
and An Eccentric Old Lady,
A Pathetic Aging Loser,
and A Wrinkled Old Witch.
I must admit, I've been- (or felt)-
like all the above sometime in my life.
Of course, ideally I would
like to see myself as
A Sexy Young Babe,
A Modern-day Chick,
A Wise Wonderful Woman
or A Flawlessly Fine Female.
But Hell hasn't frozen over yet.
So-
I'm stuck with what Time has given me...
Just what is A Spunky Old Broad?
A Spunky Old Broad....
...is unafraid or unashamed to push her cart
through the 12 item or less aisle at WalMart,
even if she has 62 items
...buys shoes, clothes and underwear
for comfort only- and not for looks
...has often contemplated the
wonderful world of Velcro
...has at least once used a buzz saw
to get the lid off a prescription bottle
...knows that wrinkle creams, anti-aging lotions
and masks are a bunch of bologna
...still thinks Robert Redford is hot
...still thinks Martha Stewart is an alien
...still dreams of someday owning a Jitterbug
...has memories from the 40's or 50's (or earlier)
...craves turnips, sprouts and Spam
...still writes checks for everything
...adds a little Bailey's to her morning coffee
...thinks a long trip is driving for two hours
...has given up trying to understand Rap
...doesn't care if her slip shows,
her teeth slip or her hair is blue
...can cat fight as well as a twenty year old
...thinks the greatness of cleavage, Botox, designer bags and
sushi are all blown out of proportion
...rakes her leaves onto the neighbors yard
...re-uses coffee grounds at least twice
...never passes up a dime or nickle or even a penny
lying on the sidewalk
...thinks teens play their music too loud, but
cranks up the surround sound full blast
to watch McDreamy.
Well...
Here's to all you Spunky Old Broads!
And to those of you who aspire to be one!
Let's pull up those granny pants
and keep on keeping on!
This month is ours!
Let's Rock it!!!!
