1. Wearing a sports bra does not make you a good athlete.
2. 100% Whole wheat is just another word for sawdust.
3. Plan a giant outdoor party if you want it to rain.
4. You can't substitute thinned cookie dough for pancake mix.
5. You will always get blamed for the missing hammer.
6. Coffee warmed over three times tastes like boiled dirt.
7. Your husband will always find the TV remote before you do.
8. Drinking an entire bottle of wine has it's drawbacks.
9. A fifty year old body is not meant to do cartwheels.
10. It will take ten men to put up a two man tent.
11. Two dollar shampoo does the same job as five dollar shampoo.
12. And even dollar bar soap will get you buy in a pinch.
13. Being poor and being rich are both temporary.
14. But rich is funner.
15. Even ugly babies are beautiful to their own mothers.
16. When men get old, their butts disappear.
17. A great pair of perfect-fitting jeans will cost you big time.
18. The circus is just a giant city full of animal pee and funnel cakes.
19. Leftover oatmeal makes great paving stones.
20. Men that reek of strong cologne are probably trying to disguise the fact that they smell like
old mustard, antique mothballs, or their mother's sauerkraut.
21. The day you get snowed in without candy is the day you'll crave chocolate.
22. Blog subjects are hard to come up with every morning.
