Do you ever have those kinds of days
when you feel completely LOST?
When you feel like the
BIGGEST LOSER whenever
you glance in the mirror-
because you realize
that you're no longer
YOUNG AND RESTLESS?
I say-
"It's nothing that a good
NIP AND TUCK wouldn't take care of",
but, I have no LEVERAGE
in my HOUSE.
My husband is a regular FAMILY GUY
and thinks we should face our
problems with GLEE
and that I should PSYCH myself up
in order to have HAPPY DAYS.
I ask him not to LIE TO ME-
That some days I know
I'm an UGLY BETTY
trying my best to be a GOLDEN GIRL-
succeeding only in becoming
a DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE
that is hanging on the FRINGE
of sanity.
We had a HART TO HART and
he says that he wouldn't want
to see my BONES,
but he might be more
CHARMED by me
if I lost 24 pounds or so.
I've considered calling DOCTOR WHO,
but it wouldn't stay
ALL IN THE FAMILY-
The news of plastic surgery
would make REAL PEOPLE
think I was a MILLIONAIRE.
Besides, he doesn't make
HOUSE CALLS-
and a scalpel on my neck
is a little TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT.
I guess I'll just have to face
THE FACTS OF LIFE
and have GOOD TIMES
despite the fact that I am not
WONDER WOMAN!
I must take ONE DAY AT A TIME
and try to be a SURVIVOR.
Besides, I don't want to rock this
little LOVE BOAT that
THE TWO OF US have going on.
It may not be a FANTASY ISLAND
around here twenty-four-seven,
but I say CHEERS
to THE WONDER YEARS
we've shared along this
HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN.
And- honestly-
he never lets me forget
WHO'S THE BOSS.
We take pride in our FAMILY TIES-
even though we suffer a few
GROWING PAINS now and then.
We might be FAIRLY ODD PARENTS,
but we are a PROUD FAMILY.
Sometimes IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT,
I suddenly realize we have an
EMPTY NEST
and it's kinda SUPERNATURAL.
It's often nice not to have
an ENTOURAGE of kids
or a FULL HOUSE.
Our grown-up LITTLE RASCALS
took their PRISON BREAK
a few years back -
but once in awhile they might take
60 MINUTES and call us.
I guess WHAT'S HAPPENING
is just be the NORM for women my age.
MY SO CALLED LIFE
is truly TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL
and I am thankful for my family
and FRIENDS.
So, I guess there won't be
any GUNSMOKE today.
I'm going to try my best to
be ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS
even if there are DARK SHADOWS
under my eyes
and I have to M*A*S*H
this INCREDIBLE HULK
of fat into my jeans.
This may not be THE VIEW
you have of life,
but this is the REAL WORLD.
THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES
are comfortably sweet
and FAMILY MATTERS.
We have THE SIMPLE LIFE
but it's an AMAZING RACE
and we wouldn't think of
TRADING SPACES
with anyone.
It's just another day in
the TV GUIDE life
of this FRASIER family.
