Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The Couch Test

While reading a current ladies magazine
the other day, I ran across one of
those so-called "Love" tests.
There were five places
that most couples share
and that test their bond-
along with their ability
to communicate properly.

The first two places were the Bed and the Car.

We've had three children
and gone to Disney World with all of them.
So, that takes care of the first two.
(Passed that with flying colors!)

Third was the Kitchen.
No problem there, either.
We have no friction or fights here.
I cook. He eats.
I do dishes. He naps.


Now the fourth place got me nostalgic.
It was the Couch test.

I remembered back
when my husband and I
would curl up on the couch together
in the evenings
and listen to
Gordon Lightfoot albums
or mellow out to Jackson Browne
or watch the new Saturday Night Live.

There we were.
Entertwined like a huge
blue-jeaned braid
on the couch.

And you know what?
We were comfortable.
It was roomy.
We had no desire to move
or twist
or find an alternate place
to chill out.

So, without letting him in on the
magazine test,
I convinced him to share the
couch with me one evening.

I don't know what happened,
but I think they are making couches
smaller and smaller now days.

"Can you scoot over any more than that?"
I asked,
trying to wedge a place for myself in front of him
so we could both watch TV.

"Watch your elbows, will ya'? he warned,
trying to flatten himself
into the back of the couch
as I held my breath
and attempted to grab the cushions
to keep from rolling off.

I had to keep two toes on the floor
at all times to balance myself
and my husband gasped for air
during every commercial break.

I flipped the coffee table over twice.
He elbowed my ear a half dozen times
and I accidentally scratched him.
He gouged my ribs reaching for the remote
and I bruised his shoulder
straightening the pillow.
The couch springs made a "boingggg" sound
and we started getting sweaty.

But somehow we pretended
that it was all wonderfully comfortable.
Somehow we pretended
it was thirty years
and a hundred pounds ago.

Our love has passed the Couch test.
That is a sign of true comfort
between us.

But, I am not completely sure
we get an A -plus on the Love test.
We thought the Couch test was hard.

Place number five is the Bath Tub!