Thursday, November 6, 2008

Really Classy Christmas Ideas

Even though I try not to think of the coming holiday season,
sometimes common sense just
grabs a hold of me and gives me a good shake.
I know it's coming and
I must brace myself.

Blame it on getting older-
or wiser (is what I prefer to think) -
but I can hardly stand the mall-jumping,
cart-pushing, all-day-marathon,
"Does it seem hot in here to you?",
Christmas shopping routine.

Usually after an entire day-
from dusk till dawn-
I end up with a bad back,
baseball-sized blisters,
broken nails, and a big, bad attitude.
And to top it off, I barely bought a thing!

So, at the risk of breaking tradition,
I have decided that I will attempt
to do all my shopping online.

Instead of a dozen stops to a dozen stores
in a dozen hours-
you can see the same thing with the
click of a mouse
and a jelly donut
in the space of an hour or two!

Personally, I like to give unusual gifts
and I can tell you now
that they abound on the Internet.

Below are a few of my favorite sites.
Keep in mind, I do have a weird
sense of humor
and get a kick out of this stuff.
If you are just surfing for ideas-
take a look!

One of the new arrivals here is
the Bubble calendar for 2009.
It is made out of bubble wrap and
each day you get to pop a bubble.
Fun times!

I love the variety of scents and
colognes they have here.
Play-Doh, Junior Mint, Glue,Dirt,
Cannabis and Sushi are only a few.

They even offer Birth Control Gum,
Hot Flash Mints, Vampire Repelling
Garlic Mints, Bacon Flavored Floss,
and Wash Away Your Sins Breath Spray.

This site offers a little less novelty,
and more useful products.

The Tyvek Airmail Wallet
looks like an ordinary folded
airmail envelope, but inside it
has all the compartments of
a traditional wallet.
Muggers won't think to check the mail.

How about a heated fleece jacket?
A small battery provides up to 5 hours
of warmth.
Great for long snow ball fights!

I love everything they have!

A little naughty, but a lot nice,
this site offers weirdos like me
a chance to do some serious gift giving.

A Yodeling Pickle, Charlie Brown's Pathetic
Christmas Tree, a Turkey Hat, and Giant
Push Pin wall hooks are all available now!

Looking for great snacks, candies, and
food ideas for holiday giving?

Look no further.
Here you'll find Chocolate Dog Poo Drops,
Gummy Road Kill, Fart Chewing Gum,
and an assortment of dried insects.
Real Larvets and Crickets come
in great crunch-sized bags-
perfect for stuffing stockings!

This site is a little less trashy,
but so are the prices.
But there are some neat ideas
to mull over while you're surfing.

This is probably the only place you
can get a huge throw printed with
you standing next to Elvis!

Of course, who wouldn't want
the Hello Kitty rhinestone encrusted
phone charm?
Or the bow and arrow marshmallow shooter?

Black toilet paper available here!
Mop slippers, LED Sea Shell toilet seat,
and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup candles
are all on top of my list!

But, if you want to give a little more this year-
providing money and taste is no object-
click on to Neiman Marcus
and check out the Mr. and Mrs. Potato Heads.

They are eight and a half inches tall
and are gem-encrusted with over
23,000 Swarenski crystals.
The cute pair comes in a box
for $8,000.

But me- I'll stick to the really
great gifts like VooDoo dolls,
Jesus Soap, Gummy rats,
and Whiskey and Tobacco
scented cologne.

Don't you hope
your name
is on my list?