Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Good Intentions

"What are you going to do today?"

I can just about predict the answer to
that question for about every one in
my family.
On any given day,
when they're not at their regular jobs,
I pretty much can guess what
their plans are.

Tina: "Oh, I'm going to iron
a bushel of clothes."
Jake: "Spending the day studying at the library."
Erin: "Going to see Bob."
Linda:" Gonna watch Izzy."
Jewel: "Got a church event
followed by dinner at the Elks."

And I think they all know
what I will say.
Because I always say the same thing-
"I'm cleaning the hunting room."

Now, when I use the term
"hunting room",
I know it conjures up visions
of a Ralph Lauren-inspired-den,
with soft leather wing chairs,
a monstrous but tasteful moose head,
bold, gem colored checked curtains,
a library of classic novels,
an alligator-skin desk blotter,
evergreen carpeting,
and antler chandeliers.

But, no.
My hunting room is just my
married daughter's old bedroom.
It was officially ordained
"The Hunting Room"
after I had to find a place for
a dozen different suits of camouflage,
bib overalls, sock caps, rain gear,
blaze orange vests, arrows, bows,
bow cases, backpacks, tree stands,
fox urine, targets, gloves, insulated
boots, rain boots, camo boots,
safety harnesses, pull ropes,
broad heads, shed antlers,
and various hunting publications.
Only to name a few.

Ralph Lauren would upchuck.

And the reason why my answer
is always the same is because
somehow the room never gets cleaned.
I pry open the door,
switch on the light,
heave a big sigh,
and then shut the door back.

I will use any excuse not to tackle
the conglomeration of camo
or the hoard of hunter's gear
that hides behind those walls.

But, my intentions are always good.

And I must admit,
I have added a few of my own
valuable objects to the room.
An array of gourds, scraps of material,
my sewing machine, paint brushes,
sketch books, paint, tools, glue,
glitter, beads, markers,
doll heads, old bills,
and some magazines.

So, when I say
"the hunting room"-
I actually mean
"the junk room."

But because I have made a
vow to myself to become
a better person-
to set goals and work toward them-
to focus my sights on a more
neat and organized home-
I will open that door,
suck in my pracrastination,
and tackle the thing
that torments me.

So, if you ask me what I'm doing today,
I'll say I'm cleaning the hunting room.

It even makes me upchuck.