Even though we still have several weeks left of 2008,I am already trying to decide on resolutions for the New Year.
Contrary to popular practice, this important list
should not be taken lightly
or disregarded after a short and pitiful attempt.
Resolutions should be a declaration to ourselves
that we will aspire to meet challenges and
be dauntless for twelve months-
no matter what obstacles confront us-
in order to achieve those goals.
In the past, I have had a fairly generic list
of resolutions.
1. Lose weight
2. Save money
3. Exercise
4. Be a better person
5. Get organized
You know the drill...
But, I have been haunted by the fact
that I must really set some significant
goals for 2009.
My list cannot just be "a list".
It should not be a photocopy
of everyone else's aspirations.
It should be the first baby steps
to My Life Quest.
And it most certainly shouldn't be
decided upon on New Years Eve
after a booze
and a snooze
and scribbled on a paper napkin.
We should take to heart
what we know will make us better people
and, in effect, make the world a better place.
That's why this year I'm getting serious.
I am writing my list on
watermarked, 24 lb writing paper.
I have chosen a white, unblemished,
perfectly formed sheet.
The silk finish is luxurious to the touch,
almost dreamy.
I will be using a Sheaffer Agio
gold plated fountain pen.
The elegant, eye-catching design is brushed gold
with 23K gold electroplate accents.
It even has a comfortable, contoured grip
for smooth writing control.
For a combination of lighting and mood,
I have purchased a Rigaud candle,
created in France by Madame Rigaud.
The Cypres Green is a natural, refreshing fragrance
reminiscent of cypress forests,
with woody accents.
I will be seated in a rare leather chair
at an exotic wooden desk
with a view of snow covered fields
and gentle winter landscapes.
It will all be so perfect.
(Later that evening.....)
I have gone through a ream of that
crappy expensive paper already!
Most of it is wadded into the waste basket
because that damn pen kept leaking ink
every time I wrote resolution number one:
"Save the World".
Plus, the smell of that putrid candle
is a cross between a moldy Christmas tree
and the bathroom at the Quickie Mart .
My leather chair made strange noises when I moved
and the kids kept accusing me of passing gas
and just when I got to number two on my list-
"Find an Unknown Dinosaur Species"-
I would have to yell at them to all shut up
so I could concentrate.
And it didn't help that my desk was
so short that I kept banging my knee caps
and , believe me, it hurt like the dickens.
In addition, the snow covered fields
are all muddy brown because of the
torrential winter rain
and all I can see from my window is some stupid dog
taking a crap on my wooden Santa.
So, in short,
I have decided that in order to produce
a genuine and sincere list of resolutions-
and to begin My Life Quest 2009-
I will need a snooze.
And lots of booze.
(Lots and lots and lots....)
And a party napkin... a crayon...
some personal space...
And I will need a heaven-sent epiphany...
and a freakin' map to find
My Life Quest!
