Saturday, November 15, 2008

Bring Me Some Figgy Pudding!

The holidays start reminding me of
special times in the past.
Of Thanksgiving and Christmas events
that left an imprint on my heart.
And the warm gathering of family and friends
for a blessed meal.

My mind is quite often pulled back
to a Christmas a few years ago...

I had made up my mind that this
particular holiday meal needed to be different.
I knew everyone was getting tired of the
same old stuffing and potatoes and green beans-
the pumpkin pie and cheese ball and fudge.

I had a fantastic idea.
Why not cook an old fashioned Christmas?
Why not treat my guests to a trip back in time?

I would decorate the dining room with
Victorian embellishments,
soften the mood with candlelight,
and trim the tree with vintage ornaments.

Plus, I would find out what to serve
and whip up a wondrous feast.

My excitement had me pumped up
to face the crowds at the local grocery
and I was armed with a list as long as Santa's.

But after thirty minutes in the store,
I became discouraged.
I finally had to track down a stock boy
to help me find some crucial elements
for my old-fashioned Christmas.

"Where do you keep the figgy pudding?" I asked,
holding up my list for him to read.

"Ugh...don't really know, Ma'am. Let me get you
Gerald. He'll know."

Here came Gerald and I told him the same thing.
"I need some figgy pudding."

Together we searched the pudding aisle,
the fig aisle, the dessert aisle,
and the frozen food section.
We even took a quick look in the
Christmas specialty aisle.
No figgy pudding.
I was getting very concerned.

"I have to have figgy pudding!
I just have to!" I insisted.

Marge stepped up to help.
"Just what is figgy pudding? Never heard of it."

"You know...", I said, breaking out in song,
"Oh, bring me some figgy pudding,
Oh, bring me some figgy pudding,
Oh bring me some figgy pudding,
And bring it right now!"

"No reason to get upset", said Gerald,
backing off a little.
"Do we need to call security? asked Marge,
snapping her gum.
"I would say that there is no figgy pudding
in this store. So, maybe you should leave now."

It really didn't help things
that I was wearing one of those headbands
with the reindeer antlers
and a necklace made with
twelve huge jingle bells.
I did kinda look like a nut case.

"I just want some figgy pudding!
Is that too much to ask?
Have we come so far in this society of ours
that we can no longer rely on the good things
that made this holiday great?"

I stepped up on an orange crate and
continued my speech.

"Have we forgotten what tradition and
our birthright has promised us?
Freedom to choose! And I choose
to serve figgy pudding for Christmas dinner!
Would our ancestors approve of this
modernized, commercialized world where
customs have been ignored and abolished?
Where a man, woman, and child cannot even
partake in a delicious figgy pudding?

By that time a crowd had gathered.
I saw security pushing their way through the crowd.
And when they helped me from my stage,
I heard a round of applause.

"I just wanted some figgy pudding," I wilted.
"I just wanted this meal to be special."

As they led me to the squad car,
I became angry.
"What kind of grocery store is this anyway?"
I shouted, shaking my jingle bells.

"You don't even have sugar plums!
What on earth will dance in the kid's heads tonight?"

"And no chestnuts!
What am I going to roast over my open fire?"

So, after I left the police station
I stopped at another store to pick up some ready made pies,
trusty old green beans, the same tasteless cheese balls,
and instant potatoes.

My family wasn't going to get an old-fashioned
Christmas after all.
And certainly no figgy pudding.

"How about some Stollen?" the bakery lady asked me
as I passed her counter.

"I haven't stolen anything!" I hissed,
pushing my cart away quickly.

I sure didn't need any more trouble.
I'd had enough for one day...