Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What's All the Fuss About?

There are three things in life that I am fussy about.

Driving, sleeping, and toilet paper.

As far as driving goes-
I never start the car without my seat belt on,
I demand that every driver on the road use turn signals,
and I must always park
right next to the cart corral-
just so I can find my car.

The room must be cool, the sheets must be fresh,
my pillow must be head-conforming,
and there shall be no dogs in my face.

Toilet paper-
Like everyone, I prefer softness.
But sometimes the four-ply,
quilted, double-strength, extra-aloe
is simply overkill.

Just give me the basics.
I don't need or want
a feather-down comforter to wipe with,
but on the other hand,
recycled wood pulp with
natural corn husks
can be an
environmental pain in the butt.

But, to even things out, there are three things in life
that I am NOT fussy about.

Cooking, decorating, and clothes.

When it comes to cooking,
there are two things I do prefer
and that is
easy and cheap.

Paula Deen can jabber away
with her cute little accent
all she wants,
but if the recipe
calls for special herbs, cream of tarter,
a food processor, or a candy thermometer-
Forget it!

If the ingredients to make a dish
cost more than the
I pass.

Why get so fussy?

A magazine article I read last week
featured a question to The Barefoot Contessa.
Someone wrote in saying that they were having
a dinner party with about fifty guests
but wanted to serve something they could make after
a long day at work-
something non-fussy, but delicious.
The Contessa suggested
Provencal Vegetable Soup.
Sounds easy doesn't it?

What in the heck is saffron threads?
Pistou? Or haircots verts?

Give me Campbell's or Cup-O-Soup anytime-
and please-
give those fifty guests a nice hot dog or something!

On to decorating....
Decorating is something easy
that is made to appear difficult
just so designers can have a job.
My theory is-
if it looks good,
fits in the space,
and you like it -
then it's perfect!

Designers like to use big words like:
Collaborate, symmetry,
neoclassical style, transition, facade,
balance, and clean-lines.

I use words like:
Great yard sale find!
Unusual, different, antique-looking,
well-loved, down-to-earth,
and homey.

One decorator was asked about
choosing paint color.
She loves Sherwin-Williams
"Real Red".
And I quote her:
"This is a real red, a Ferrari red.
And after arriving in my red Ferrari,
I can see myself in a red library
sipping on champagne
while wearing my red Valentino gown."

that brings me to the next non-fussy
part of my life-
Give me comfort.
Stretchable, bendable, breathable.

Here is my fussy quote of the day to
all you weirdo cooks, eccentric designers,
and clothing magnates.

"I prefer a nice sandy color for my
family room.
The color of good, clean dirt.
I can see myself arriving
in my old truck
after an afternoon at Wal-Mart -
imagine myself in my dirt brown room,
eating Cool Ranch Doritos-
followed by a stack of Oreos -
lounging in my jog pants and
old-lady sweater,
pondering what the heck
that I'm gonna fix for supper!"

Just remember this,my friends-
Life's too short
to be so fussy!!