Monday, May 24, 2010

Monday Montage

Since the rain finally decided
to take a break,
my husband and I figured it was
time to do some much needed gardening-
even though it was still pretty muddy.
Or rather, HE decided.

It was so dang hot this weekend              
that all I wanted to do was
lay under the ceiling fan,
munch on ice chips,
and force myself into
a voluntary nap coma
in order to deal with the heat.

But, instead, I helped straw
the tomato plants,
cage them with rusty old fencing
(whose exposed barbs could bring
enough blood to require a tourniquet),
and pulled tiny maple trees from the damp earth
where all the whirywigs landed and took root.

Fun stuff.

But imagine all that-
from an overweight grouchy woman

who was sweating buckets of                       
puffing with each bend-over,
and suddenly wearing tennis shoes
with three inch mud soles.

When all was finished,
I was stinky, cross eyed, sunburned,
and ugly.
But the garden looked great.

I took a cold shower,
dressed as cool as possible
without being naked,
and found a place under the ceiling fan.
With a pillow.
With my eyes shut.

"Do you want to give the dog
a haircut and a bath now?" my husband asked.

If only I could put him into a voluntary
nap coma !


My husband hollered at me from
the bathroom the other morning.

"Hey- come here a minute," he said.

I figured there was a spider in the drain,
he desperately needed toilet paper,
or he was going to ask me for
the twelfth-hundredth time
if he should shave his goatee.

Instead, he pointed at the tube
of toothpaste.

I crinkled my brow with a mute question.

"You know, I hardly ever gripe..." He continued.
(Maybe not on the other planet he
evidently lives on!, I thought.)
"but I'm getting kinda sick of finding
the lid popped up on the toothpaste.
How hard is it to press it back down
where it belongs?"

I quickly apologized
and added something reassuring like
it won't happen again
or I didn't realize...

Later, after he left for work,
I went into the bathroom.
The lid was firmly snapped in place
on the toothpaste tube.
Good job, Honey, I whispered under my breath.

But the sink was full of little
black and gray wiskers,
and dotted like multicolored confetti
on my once spotless vanity.

The lid was off the shaving cream can,
there were two used Q-tips
laying near the soap dish,
a wet wash cloth lay
wadded up on the shower floor,
and dirty underwear
were discarded haphazardly
in the corner.

 I've gone 35 years
without strangling him.
But now is probably as
good a time as any, to start.


I'm not a big fan of yogurt,
but I wanted to share a great new product
that I love.

It is Delight parfait, by Yoplait.
My favorite flavor is the caramel,
but they make mixed berry, choco/raspberry,
and lemon, too.

I wasn't crazy about the lemon,
but if you freeze it, it tastes
similar to lemon sherbet.

And as a plus, it's low calorie
and actually healthy.
Great taste...
My favorite new choice
for a quick breakfast
or an after dinner or mid-day snack.

Try it. I think you'll like it!

Today I'm going to try for
Attempt Number 2: Spring Cleaning.

I'm already tired, though.
And it's hot again.

Coincidentally, my pillow is still
comfy and cool beneath the ceiling fan.
Do you belive in fate?