Click on ( this link)
to read my post as a guest writer today on the great blog
titled "The Redheaded Stepchild" -
by my good friend, Dee!
And while you're there,
check out her daily posts and leave her a nice comment!
She's awesome!
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Insomnia
I woke up last night and couldn't go back to sleep.
That's unusual for me-
I can normally fall into a deep snooze just looking at a bed
or simply touching a pillow.
But sometime between midnight and 3 a.m.,
I was wide awake,
staring at the ceiling and listening to it rain.
With just a soft glow of my bathroom nightlight,
my bedroom became filled with shadows-
lumps of soft gray forms
that looked like people huddled in the corners.
Years ago, I would have ducked under the sheets
and hid myself from these shadow monsters,
but last night I didn't care.
Let them lurk.
Let them stare.
They will turn back into clothes and furniture
again in the morning.
I almost envied them.
...getting to be something else for awhile.
...transforming themselves without a bit of self-doubt...
The ceiling fan looked like a floating starfish-
and suddenly I thought I smelled the sea.
Salty, beachy, coconut perfume
that caused me to sniff the air
like an old hound dog.
No.
Nothing there.
Maybe my shampoo.
Maybe just insanity.
My life spread out before me like a huge book-
pages curling beneath the bed
and foggy images pixilated on the closet door.
I felt overwhelmed.
What am I doing?
Where am I going?
What is my purpose in life?
Then I began to question if I was a good person.
Do people see me as I see myself?
Am I selfish at times?
Unrealistic?
Lost?
I glanced over at my husband...
touched his back...
listened to his breathing that
vibrated like a sweet song.
My heart swelled...
Overflowed onto the bed sheets...
Wrapped him up in a giant cradle
and rocked him into the peace
that I wished for him.
His thoughts are many.
His responsibilities, huge.
His days- short and uneventful.
What can I do for him
that I have not already done?
Love is all I have.
I got up,
fluffed my pillow-
and walked into the living room
to peek out at the rain.
It was only a silky drizzle,
barely dripping from the rooftop
like suspended tears.
What will I write in the morning? I thought.
Or will I write at all?
Should I even try?
What is it I'm trying to prove?
I walked back through the darkness
to my familiar room-
and to the shadows strangers.
I laid in bed-
watched the starfish on the ceiling.
Until my questioning heart
fell asleep...
without the answers.
