Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A Timeworn Tradition

My husband got a postcard
in yesterday's mail-
urging him to attend his
high school reunion.

It got me to thinking about
the whole idea of hosting
a giant party of people
you haven't seen in years-
and never really liked anyway.

To me, there are only two reasons
to go to your high school reunion:

1. For people to see you-
In other words, to show off.
If you've aged gracefully, lost weight,
gotten rich, or been successful,
a high school reunion is the best
place to rub it in.
All those classmates you competed against
(or even the losers you dated)
are sure to go slack-jawed
and grow a bit self-conscious-
or even jealous
at the sight of you.

2. For you to see other people
Curiosity, basically.
You might attend your high school reunion
just to see how you compare to
everyone else.
Have their hairlines receded?
Their chins doubled?
Their temporary job flipping
hamburgers now progressed to full time?
Are those slim cheerleaders
now chubby?
The class president on parole?
Your lab partner a multi-millionaire?

I would think that with email,
Facebook, MySpace,
Texting, and blogging-
that nowadays people pretty much
keep in touch
with friends that really matter.

Their pictures are posted
for you to check them out-
you know where they work,
live, play, and how many
kids they have.

And honestly-
a person can't really compare
themselves anymore.

Have they actually aged gracefully
or had a tummy tuck, Botox
and hair implants?
Are those old classmates
Fake or For Real?

I predict that high school reunions
will soon be a thing of the past.
No one really wants to
realize how old they are getting.
And no one wants to see their
favorite "hot" teacher
with gray hair and a walker.

Don't get me wrong-
there are lots of old friends
and classmates I would
like to see-

I just don't want them to see me!