Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Public Service Announcement

Sometimes I get tired of commercials on television. They either interrupt an exciting point in my movie, or they insult my intelligence. Buy this, wear this, eat this...But I always seem to pay attention to the commercials that attempt to teach, warn, or educate the viewer.

You know the ones I'm talking about- Talk to Your Kids About Sex, Don't Drink and Drive,the Surgeon General warnings, aids, allergies, and the dangers of alcohol and drugs.

On the most part, I figure they have helped a lot of people get back on the right track. Some public service announcements even resort to scare tactics that really work. Some of them actually make me cry!

For example, remember the popular commercial that said, "This is your brain. (an egg). This is your brain on drugs." (now scrambled). I don't know about you, but as a teen, my brain seemed scrambled enough. The last thing I needed was a drug to make it worse. That warning made an impression on me somewhat, I suppose.

Then there are the heartbreaking commercials of drunken drivers and their mangled cars and innocent victims. Visual aids such as these seem to remain in our memory, causing us to pause and consider the next time we have had a few drinks and need to drive home.

So- why on earth haven't they come up with a commercial to help people on diets?

Instead of flaunting photos of "Anna Rexic":"She went from a size 22 to a size six in three months!"- show us the real deal. Undulate the TV screen with cellulite monsters and fat-corroded arteries and liposuction horror stories. Show us middle-aged fat women trying to stuff themselves into theater seats, attempting to buying cute clothes, and having sex with their skinny husbands!!!

Make us sick! PLEASE!!

Make us not want that candy bar we've been hiding or the Double Dose Rocky Road ice cream we've already dished out in our bowl! Make us vision those poor, obese women next time we crave Whitecastle or pray for Pizza Hut, or tingle for tacos. Reach out of the TV screen- grab us by our love handles, and tell us "NO!"

I have already come up with the perfect commercial for those on a diet.

Okay- the screen is dark- slowly lightens. We see a single hippo among a group of giraffes. It is a unusually large hippo, sweaty and gross and panting and grunting. The giraffes look all cool and lean and elegant.

The camera slowly gets a close up of a giraffe butt:

"This is your butt." (the announcer says.)

Then there is a wide-angle close up of the hippo's butt- and the announcer says:

"This is your butt on donuts."

Makes you just wanna cry, doesn't it?