Saturday, July 26, 2008

Katie Couric Should Have Listened

My sister Linda and I just spent a few great days together doing things that we love the most. Searching the yard sales, eating, drinking, watching TV - and last but not least- exercising a great talent that we humbly admit to possessing:

It is our over-powering fashion sense.

For years Linda and I have had our concerns about Katie Couric. There are days when her hair wasn't quite right, her outfit a bit too snug- her white, pearly, frosted, over-glossy lipstick just a tad too much. From a comfy spot on the sofa with our coffee and donuts in hand, (wearing no makeup or cutesy hairstyles), we discussed the fact that Katie just might be doomed to failure.

We so often observe that women who fail at fashion soon begin to weaken in all other aspects of their lives. If only our opinions had been sought, CBS could have saved themselves a lot of money and their reputation.

We apologize to fans of Rachel Ray also. Although Linda and I have salivated in front of her thirty minute meals, her harsh voice and tasteless selection of practical cooking clothes have us almost speechless. Her sometimes lo-cut, bat-winged, button popping blouses are so-not-right for an afternoon of cooking.

We personally find that an already grease -stained tee shirt, pajama pants and fuzzy slippers is ideal - not only in comfort but is also conducive to various other kitchen chores, such as taking out the garbage, mopping up after the dog, and finishing off the margaritas in the blender.

We were always suspicious and critical of Martha Stewart -and the world knows how that turned out. Linda and I knew there wasn't something quite right about her hair- that dirty blond shoulder length mess that fell in her face every time she popped a casserole from the oven.

If she was at all unsure about her appearance, Martha should have followed our time-tested advice concerning hairstyle: Let it grow till you hate it so much that you start pulling it out, experiment with every hair color except gray, slick down the sticking-up places, fluff up the flat spots, and hide in your house for a few months till every thing looks right again.

Our extreme gift of Just Knowing What Looks Right has been used most often at the local WalMart. We gulp in disbelief at the fashion selections of some people, criticize hundreds of hairdos and shoe styles, and pity those most that think they look great, but are living in the 80's.

We mean no disrespect, but we have trained ourselves to see the truth. Our gift is like Superman and his X-ray vision. It just can't be helped.

However, we should warn you that our tactics are a bit new age. We personally have not adopted any sort of hair style, fashion preference, diet plan, or manners. We feel that as a duty to others that seek our help- we must remain as neutral as possible, even coming close at times to seeming bag-lady-ish.

Just focus on our talent, people!
We could possibly arrange to give some of you makeovers. But all we can say to others of you is: Get out of the middle of the damn grocery aisle! Cut that crappy lookin' mullet, change your XXXLLL Daisy Dukes, cover that gray and quit linin' yer lips!

But I am here to warn you now. If you see two old ladies in pajama pants, tee shirts, bed-heads, no makeup and no bras- Be ready!
We just might be willing to give you the makeover of your life!

We just can't seem to help ourselves.....