Thursday, October 28, 2010

This Is How We Roll. From Now On.

I've just discovered some earth-shattering news
that will change the lives of women all over the world.

What is worse than finding the lid off the toothpaste,
wet towels on the floor,
and the toilet un-flushed?

We all know it's that
annoying, hideous, repulsive-
and empty cardboard tube!

Fear not.

Kimberly-Clark has just announced a breakthrough
in the design of toilet paper.

Totally tubeless!

Yes, my dear ladies, we shall be liberated!

Still in the testing phase throughout the northeast,
Scott Naturals Tube-Free boasts:
"Even the last piece of toilet paper will be usable — without glue stuck on it."


And-if you are "green conscious", there's more good news.
A spokesman for Kimberly Clark said this about the innovative product:

"The 17 billion toilet paper tubes produced annually in the USA account for 160 million pounds of trash, according to Kimberly-Clark estimates, and could stretch more than a million miles placed end-to-end. That's from here to the moon and back — twice. Most consumers toss, rather than recycle, used tubes, says Doug Daniels, brand manager at Kimberly-Clark. "We found a way to bring innovation to a category as mature as bath tissue," he says.

Well - I really could care less about the
empty tubes of toilet paper floating out there in space-
I just don't want them staring at me when I sit down
for a necessary natural elimination-
(if you know what I mean).

(However, tubeless does not mean
that the paper dispenser will automatically replace itself.
We must remind our men and children
that there is still a looming and huge responsibility
that comes with modern convenient facilities-
Replace the roll!)

But, I'm already trying to decide how to spend that extra time
I'll be saving by not having to remove the cardboard tube.

That's just one more thing that us women slaves housewives
won't have to concern ourselves with.

It adds up, people.

I figure I replace approximately 6 cardboard tubes a month
at a roughly figured rate of one minute per tube.
That is six minutes a month-
times twelve months
which equals 72 minutes-
(or an hour and 12 minutes per year)-
times the years I've been married (35)= 42 hours.
(Forgive me if the math is wrong-
arithmetic has never been one of my strong points.)

That means I've spent three and a half days of my life
removing the empty cardboard roll!

Man, I could have been napping or reading
or exercising watching TV!
Or something!
Anything but that darn empty cardboard tube!

Rejoice, ladies.
Our day is coming soon.

Hallelujah joy joy!