Years ago, Christmas shoppers
were undulated with rows and rows
of baby dolls
and toy guns
and stacks of coloring books.
Back then, a parent never had to set foot
in the electronics department
unless they were purchasing a
transistor radio
for their music loving child.
A typical baby doll has shrunk into
a Botox-induced,
teenage,
anorexic,
goth-child
with more studs and stilettos
than an X rated film.
My barbies went to cool prom dances
and swimming at the country club-
and Ken wore a suit and tie
when he picked her up for a date.
Where do these modern new-age dolls go?
Clubbing?
Wind-surfing?
Booze- cruises?
Maybe it's just me.
But kids just aren't kids anymore.
We've got Mary Kate and Ashley
pushing makeup to third graders-
Miley Cyrus donning short-shorts
and push-up bras-
and every woman on TV that has boobs
is suddenly showing off their cleavage
like a female plumbers crack.
Even my own nine year old grand daughter
has opted for skin-tight skinny jeans
and black lace-up boots
and a Kate Goslin hairstyle.
(She's absolutely adorable).
But, I feel like I've lost that chance
to tell her bedtime stories
and to rock her to sleep
and to do fun crafts
and enjoy things that
little kids used to enjoy.
She doesn't even like the color pink anymore.
That's sad.
Society just pushes these things.
Hollywood is full of promotional crazies.
Advertising is subliminal propaganda.
And here I go with the ranting...
Up on my soap box again...
But-
I can't help but get annoyed-
I can't help but miss the innocence of youth-
The magic of childhood...
The color pink...
Recently, while searching for the perfect gift,
I ran across a couple of disturbing new toys.
How about a i-Tattoo?
Aimed at six years old and up,
this toy is an electronic pen
that transfers tattoo patterns onto skin
with non-permanent ink.
four year old for his birthday
and everyone in the house was
soon covered in tattoos.
Does this not scream white trash
to anyone but me?
Sure, those little press on tattoos
are lots of fun.
I've even bought those for the kids.
But this "toy" is $249.99.
That's some serious tats!
I mean, what do your kids say?
"Oh, wow, thanks Mom and Dad!
I'm gonna grow up to be just like
Tommy Lee or Kat von D!
And, too,
the poor Barbie
has had her share of makeovers.
The latest "doll from Hell" is
Barbie and Tanner.
This duo comes with a pooper-scooper
and brown pellets that go in one end
as Tanner's food-and come out the other end
as doo-doo.
Barbie cleans up
with her special magnetic scooper
and trash can.
In my opinion,
that little poop scooper would be lost
within a week-
(just like Barbie's tiny high heels)-
and there would be Tanner crap
all over the carpet!
I'm staying away from the tasteless
and the dangerous this holiday season.
But my grand daughter wants
a new comforter set.
In black.
So- I'm looking.
I'm giving in.
But it's gonna have the
biggest, pinkest pillow in the world!
