Friday, August 13, 2010

Trend Alert ! Trend Alert !

Today I received a very important e-mail.
It was a "trend alert".

I guess someone at American Eagle
must have confused me with
the Olson twins
because I was mistakenly alerted to the fact
that Skinny Leggings are the new fall look.

Hey-I'll just put it out there-
Not many ladies-
even little ones-
look good in Skinny Leggings.

And to all you thin, anorexic beautiful women
who don't believe me-
go suck a hummingbird egg
sip your healthy Vegan shake
read another blog.

I'm not jealous!
Absolutely not!

Whatever gave you that idea?
I just believe that thin women shouldn't
flaunt their skinniness
just as fat women shouldn't flaunt
their bigness.

I got to wondering if
that e-mail was just a scam
to ridicule me.
Some sophisticated designer's
idea of a bad joke.

I can see them all peering into
their tell-all fashion globes
and laughing their bleach-blond heads off.

I've got news for them.

There was once upon a time
that I could have worn skinny leggings.
And looked good in them.

Back B.K. (Before Kids).

Back B.M.M.A.G.T.M.B.
(Before Mars Made A Giant Three Musketeers Bar).

Long, long ago, when I had the giraffe legs
and perky bosom
and a waist so small you could
cinch it with a bread tie-
fashion trends were different.

It was the time of elephant bell-bottoms,
poufy peasant blouses,
thick leg warmers
and cable knit vests.

You could have hidden
a killer whale under that garb
and no one would have been the wiser.

But now that I've menopaused gotten fat blossomed
into a mature woman,
the fashionistas decide
that Skinny Leggings are the new trend.


Life sucks sometimes, don't you think?