It took me all these years
to figure out that I'm a winter person.
Don't get me wrong-
I actually love summer.
But, let's face the facts here.
Summer was designed for
only two kinds of people:
The young
and the thin.
For those of you that don't know me-
I am truly not elephant size.
I just need to lose
to be considered healthy on
that stupid AMA chart.
Summer is meant for halter tops,
bikinis, mini dresses and short shorts.
It's meant for long, lean legs,
flat bellies,
and slender arms.
It is ideal for the graceful-
the sophisticated-
the elegant
and the five year old.
Summer people thrive on
iced tea,
edamame,
sweet berry wine
and mascara.
I just don't fit in anymore.
Yes, I finally realize
that I am meant to be a winter girl.
Because winter is designed
for two kinds of people:
The big and the immobile.
I was meant for sweatshirts,
sloppy, long-sleeved tees
and bulky sweaters.
I was built for long pants,
fuzzy socks,
high neck blouses
and mittens.
I am best suited for
cups of hot coffee,
big chocolate chip cookies,
giant bowls of cheesy chili,
and daytime naps.
Sand volleyball?
Roller blading?
Swimming? Jogging? Dancing?
Nahhh...Not for me.
Try checkers, old movies,
reading fat novels,
drawing,
thinking,
dreaming.
If you think I'd be partial
to snow skiing,
or ice skating,
you'd be wrong.
Yet, once in awhile-
I get a wild hair
and build a snowman
or make a snow angel.
I just don't understand
why it took me all these years
to realize the truth.
I suppose I battled it bravely.
Each summer I fought to
get into that little suit,
bare my spider-veined legs,
and pull my boobs up
to the correct level.
I tried to like edamame,
volleyball,
and greasy suntan lotion.
I tried to pretend I wasn't sweating,
starving, hurting, or hopeless.
But I give up.
I am officially a winter person.
Bring it on!
