Treasure Hunting

I can't help but feel proud today.
Because yesterday I finally got around
to cleaning out my desk drawers
and the file cabinet.

I was actually looking for birthday candles
and knew they had to be somewhere.
For once my procrastination
was overruled by the
overwhelming sense of need.

My other needs were simple.
I had to free up space for new junk.

It's always interesting
and a little bit fun
to go through
drawers that haven't
seen the light of day
since Clinton was president.

Or maybe longer.

The bottom of the file cabinet
was packed with computer manuals
and software installation material.
All floppy disks.

Garbage.

Then I guessed it was about time
to trash the Windows 98 guide,
the Atari 800 computer book,
and the cord to my old
Radio Shack 2-line jumbo-button phone.

I found two pair of earrings,
a black bracelet,
a half dozen ponytail holders
and six nail clippers...

...lottery cards from 2001,
a golf ball and tee (?),
three shoes from a Bratz doll
and part of a magnifying glass.

I also unearthed nine dollars
and seventy two cents in change.

Of course the fun part was
finding old photos of the kids
and pictures of old pets I've already
forgotten the names of.

I found sentimental greeting cards,
forgotten poetry
and rocks I had brought back
from the river.

I found a copy of the Star Report,
a magazine about 9-11
and a dog-eared TV Guide
featuring Magnum PI.

From under the clutter
I even pulled out a paper labeled
TOP SECRET
in my granddaughter's pre-school
scribbles.
It was a detailed plan on
how to make an alien out of
green material and big painted eyes
so that we could scare Aunt Erin.

I smiled at her crude printing
and atrocious spelling.
And then I laughed at the
post script:
P.S. : She will pee her pants!

All in all,
it turned out to be
a productive day.
I'm not only $9.72 richer,
but my heart feels lighter.

And I know now
exactly where
I stashed
the birthday candles.

You Give Me Fever

It started as a green spark
near the old fence row.
And every day I watched it
as it began to grow.

And soon it spread-
this emerald flame-
Across the field-
into the lane-
Pushed up between
the stone and brick-
It stretched
and climbed
and curled
and licked.

Like velvet arms
it reached across
the winter world
I thought was lost.
Till as far and wide
as I could see-
GREEN was staring
back at me.

I stood and smiled
when all was done
and shouted gladly-
"Spring has come!"

Horrid Hangers and Dead Duracells

I used to have a problem
with coat hangers.

Every time I opened the closet,
those wiry little fellas
would all clang a little tune
and fly to the floor
like metal butterflies.

They multiplied
and took over the closet.

But usually not the good ones-
No, not the hangers with
the nice cushioned arms
or the heavy duty plastic ones
or the nice wooden crease-free
slack hangers.

It always seemed I had an
abundance of half-rusted,
mangled, paint chipped
coat hangers that flipped my
heavy coats and abused my
favorite tees.

Now- all of a sudden
hangers have become extinct
in my house.
I have to go searching in other closets
to hang up my jacket,
check the car trunk for a stray one
or clean the garage in hopes of salvaging
a misplaced wire wonder.

I suppose I over-killed.
Sent too many to the goodwill,
the dumpster,
and the local laundromat.

Now I wish I had been more caring,
a bit more understanding,
a lot more sympathetic
to my hangers loose lifestyle.

But that sad story is over.

Suddenly I seem bombarded
with batteries.
Double A and Triple A
seems to roll around in every
drawer, basket, cabinet
and box that I have.
From Duracell
to Ray-O-Vac to those
little green and white Japanese deals,
batteries seem to have taken over
where the hangers left off.

Why doesn't someone
invent a see-through battery?
One like a clear ink pen
where you can tell how
much longer it's going to last.
Or a battery that turns red when it's dead.

(I mean, that would be a fantastic logo.
Red Means Dead.
Are you listening Mr. Battery Bunny?)

I've tried keeping those little
paper tabs that come with the batteries
that check for juice,
but I always throw them away by accident
or just get tired of going through the
check-battery motions.

I have no idea if these batteries
will work in an emergency
or if they are just taking up space.

At least I can use an old coat hanger
to unclog the toilet.
But a dead battery is absolutely useless.

And I'm afraid if I get rid of the bad ones,
the good ones will disappear, too.

What's a woman to do?

Well, do like I do.

Just don't let it bother you.
Just shut the damn closet
and close the freakin' drawers
and take a nice long coffee break.

Or maybe a nice long nap.